Monday, April 13, 2009

Home Again

Home again. And my head itches like crazy. Later in the week, I will post some pictures of what my head looked like with 25 electrodes glued to it for 6 days. Not pretty, but interesting for sure!

I am glad to be here on my couch. My Chanelly-Belly beagle is at my feet, and my Sassy cat is at my shoulder. Jerry says life feels right again.

I learned quite a few things during this hospital stay. First of all - and most gratefully - through a huge garden of flowers, Easter baskets, and cards, I learned how loved I was! How wonderful to look upon the overflowing window ledge and see the blessings bestowed upon me by my friends and family. During some of my harder times, that window ledge really helped me.

I have tried over 15 combinations of seizure meds over the years. I have very little left to nothing left to try anymore that doesn't affect me negatively. I tried a new one again during this hospital stay, but oh, what a disaster. At a VERY small dose I was okay, but it once it was increased, I had such adverse reactions that I had to be monitored on an EKG. So needless to say that wasn't the drug.

When I had my discharge meeting with the doctor before I left, she told me something surprising. I guess it was something I had never heard before. I have abnormal brain waves that will never be able to be treated. My VNS implant is helping to minimize the amount of seizures I used to have - and that is good news! But in the end, there are some that are never going to be able to be medically treated.

This gives me pause. I always have carried around that huge word - HOPE. And so now I have to find it within myself to carry a bigger word - ACCEPTANCE.

Until there is a new option, this has and will continue to change my life. Driving isn't going to be an option until I'm seizure-free for 6 months. I can't tell you what the loss of this freedom means.

I have to think about what avenue my Close To My Heart business will take. Oh, how I love my customers! Clubs aren't going to be an option for me for quite some time as I work this out, but I may be able to sneak in an occasional card class or workshop. Those of you that know me, know how I love to teach.

For now, at least for the next little while, I've got to work on that acceptance thing I was talking about. Even though this hospital stay is over, I've still got a series of doctor's appointments that will take up much of my time - and I'm afraid a little of my energy.

I heard a pastor tell a story once about his appointments and meetings. He would cancel them should he not feel 100%. He would simply tell the person he was meeting with that he needed to reschedule because it was important to him to be at his best for them. That lesson has always stuck with me. It's so important to me that if I teach and spend time with my customers, I give them my best. Each person I have been blessed to meet deserves that.

In the next week or two, I'm going to determine a date for the Open House I would like to have. Each of my customers needs to have an Idea Book! There's such fun product in there - and I will love seeing everyone!

When I have a little more time this week, I'll do some more updating.

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